I'm really fine. Really.

It's been almost two months since I last posted. If I knew then, when I wrote that last one, where I'd be right now, I probably would not believe it. A lot has changed. A new "About Me" describes it all in more detail.

I guess a lot of folks care about me. Cause I can't leave the house without three thousand people asking me how I'm feeling. (Slight exaggeration there.) Don't get me wrong, I so very appreciate that people do care. Sometimes I just don't know how to answer, and I know that they want more than just "I'm fine, thanks". Don't take me the wrong way, I want to talk, just not about that. Really, I just want to feel like everything's normal without having to explain all that's going on. Or perhaps if nobody said anything at all, I'd feel like no one cares. See how confusing this is?

But, really, I am fine.

Really.

Things are getting better. The future looks good. And I'm hopeful.

We're figuring all of this out, and mostly we're recovering from everything that's happened in the past few years. Sometimes we aren't ready to talk about it. It can stir up a lot of emotions. And that's normal. That's okay.

The amount of formula that I was getting fed every night was too high, I got sick. We reduced it and are continually adjusting it to find what works best. Like I said, we're figuring all of this out. So when I was asked how things were going, I really wasn't prepared to explain all of this. "I'm fine, thanks" seemed to sum it up pretty well in my opinion. If I started going into detail..well, your head tilts, your eyebrows rise, I can tell you are filled with confusion because I'm just not able to talk about it in an efficient way. My emotions get mixed in, I get confused, then I just want to leave. But, really, I do appreciate that you love me and care about me.

I'm trying to figure out what comes next. In a way...I don't know how to be normal. I'm so very used to being sick. I'm ready for things to change, but I'm worried I won't know what to do. I have so many dreams and plans that I can finally pursue. It scares me. It's a good scary. A new one.

If you have questions, ask me. But there's a different way to go about asking it. If you want to know about the feeding tube, ask me. You won't offend me. If you want to know how we're adjusting to a new routine, just ask. I'll tell you. I don't know how to respond to vague questions like "How are you feeling?". If you just want to talk, tell me. I'll talk, I'll tell you what you'd like to know. Maybe I'd even enjoy that.

See, when I'm trying to answer these questions, I don't know what you're asking for. I'm feeling good, that's always going to be the answer. If you want to know if I've gotten sick, ask me. Ask me if we're seeing improvement, ask me if there's any complications, ask me how things are going with the doctors, ask me about my plans for the future, once I'm healed. Ask me how my family is doing, if there's any restrictions with the tube, if it makes life easier or more difficult, ask me what the future plans are for my care, whatever you want to know, ask me.

If you ask me if there's anything I need, or anything you can do for me...most of the time, there isn't. Maybe because I don't always know what you're asking about. I'm not in the hospital, so we're good on meals, I don't need any materialistic things either. Whatever you think I might need, ask me. If you want to talk with me, seriously, ask me. If you just want to hang out, maybe cause I haven't been super social lately, tell me. If you want to hug me or tell me something, don't be afraid. I like hugs (Most of the time). And if you really want to do something, and find out what's been going on at the same time, ask me if there's anything you can pray for. There probably is something. But if there's not, that's okay too. That shows me more than anything that you care.

Thanks for reading friends. Have a wonderful Christmas.

Faith